hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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