dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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