If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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