there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I enjoy the company of your penis
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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