I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock deserves a montage
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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