Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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