The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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