I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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