i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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