so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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