I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize