guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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