My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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