Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize