i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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