There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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