If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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