He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
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you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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