I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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