It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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