in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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