She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
false alarm, still single
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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