Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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