my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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