when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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