my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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