I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am one with the molecules
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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