ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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