New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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