apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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