I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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