If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love having hate sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize