A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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