im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize