I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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