i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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