i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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