does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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