I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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