I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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