You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize