You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize