So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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