I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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