how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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