Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize