I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize