She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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