the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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