You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My vagina is officially offended.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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